• When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

  • After dinner my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.

  • Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.

  • My wife gave me an ultimatum: Her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.